im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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