dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
