He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
