i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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