1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
