Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
