I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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