he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
