Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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