hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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