it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
