Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
