who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
