last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
