Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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