Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think my vagina is haunted
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
