HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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