there was a trapeze. enough said
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
