I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
