Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
