I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
