Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
