I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
