I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
your room smells of hookers.
And success
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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