I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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