She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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