Fine. I'll sleep in my office
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
