Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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