Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize