hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
