And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's rum buckets o'clock
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
