what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
