WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
