Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
