first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
