can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
