Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
