I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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