When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize