Umm I'm too high to move.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would fuck him just for his dog
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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