All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
