32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
