Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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