I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
