If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my poor anus
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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