While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
