im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
