Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
