I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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