My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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