This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize