You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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