There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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