Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
