These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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