after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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