just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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