Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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