After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
