Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
