Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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