you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
