dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
