Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
