I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
