i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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