if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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