....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
