So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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