life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
