Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
