Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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