So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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