I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
