We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize