Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
