3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
