dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
