I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
