I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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