i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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