His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize