Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
