I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
