hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
