At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize