Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
