So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he thought i was a dude.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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