So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Green mimosas i think yes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
