I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
