apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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