OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
