Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
