ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
