You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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